The Effects of
Domestic Abuse on Children
When we consider domestic abuse, we usually think about the
harm done to the victim herself. Sadly,
there is admittedly much harm done to the wife and mother who is battered,
berated, and belittled. She experiences many short-term and long-term effects
of the abuse, and this article is not meant to minimize those effects.
Today, we consider the effects of domestic abuse on the
children in the home. Even when the
children are not being directly abused, they are still being affected. Scientific studies and research corroborate
many of the examples and effects listed here, but this is not meant to be a
scientific article. Rather, everything listed
here is either something I have seen with my own eyes, or is a concern that was
shared with me by the abuse victim (the mother). All examples are shared with permission.
Some of the examples given are common trauma responses (and
in this case, the trauma is from witnessing or hearing abuse perpetrated
against their mother), and others are more directly connected to living in an
abusive environment with a father who is mistreating their mother. Growing up in a home in which domestic abuse
is present will affect these children even into their adult years, but today we
focus on the immediately noticeable, short-term effects of domestic abuse in
these children’s lives.
This list should not be utilized as a method of determining whether there is abuse present in a household, nor is it an exhaustive list of all the potential effects that domestic violence has on the children in the home. However, each example given involves a real child, a wounded little lamb in our midst.
- Vacant stare, trying to escape reality, dissociation
- Sons disrespecting their mothers
- Reverting to bedwetting
- Extreme anxiety
- Very young boys proclaiming that they are the man of the house and need to protect their mother.
- Confusion (“I love dad but I don’t love it when he screams at Mom.”)
- Confusion (“Dad says Mom isn’t submitting and that’s why they aren’t together anymore.”)
- Guilt (“Maybe if I would just behave better, Dad wouldn’t get so angry and hurt mom.”)
- Guilt (“It’s so peaceful now that Dad is gone, but I probably shouldn’t think that.”)
- Frequent bathroom accidents beginning in older children, after years of no accidents at all
- Panic attacks
- Reacting violently to small frustrations
- Reverting to sucking fingers or a blankie
- Stunted emotional development
As you consider how to help victims of domestic abuse in our
midst, remember that they are also trying to help their hurting children. Let’s surround these children and their
mothers with our love and care.
-By HAVEN Staff
The middle road HAVEN is trying to walk just isn't tenable. They cannot be both pro-victim advocacy and pro-PRC (endorsed by leadership). These are mutually exclusive things. When one grapples with the sheer amount of injustice perpetuated and covered up (if not perpetrated and covered up), then you can see where criticality of leadership and anger are reasonable, even called for. If you want to give victims a voice, then you have to be prepared to give victims a real, unfiltered voice and therefore critical of their experience in the PRC and how the church wronged them. HAVEN is just not prepared to do that. At least, they are not prepared to do that and still be in a position where they are considered pro-PRC and endorsed by leadership. What HAVEN wants is to help, which is noble. But the reality that includes the subtext is that HAVEN wants to help as long as the victim isn't vocal about specifics of where the PRC screwed up and which PR ministers/professors/elders have done poorly and the real damage the church is doing. As long as HAVEN tries to walk the middle ground, their help comes with strings. That's just the way it is. If there's a victim who is critical of the PRC, such as Heidi, HAVEN will tolerate them up to the point where it endangers their reputation in the PRC, after which they'll just block them and disavow. It's the way it was always bound to turn out.
ReplyDeleteWe are doing our best to help victims by helping them use their voice. HAVEN exists to educate the Protestant Reformed community on how to identify, stop, and prevent domestic and sexual abuse while offering help and support for those currently experiencing it. We are not trying to upend the PR leadership but give a voice to the voiceless.
ReplyDelete