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A Conference on Abuse with Moles and Denhollander

We share the following review of HAVEN 24: A Biblical and Compassionate Response.  Thank you Professor Brian Huizinga for sharing your thoughts. Last weekend (I write mid-January), in the midst of a furious winter storm, I joined hundreds of others in attending a two-day conference in Hudsonville, Michigan hosted by Haven of Mercy on the subject, “A Biblical and Compassionate Response to Abuse in the Church.” Due to the snowstorm, the majority of people stayed home and tuned in via livestream, and during the twenty-four hours in which the video-recordings were posted on the web following the conference, the recordings reportedly attracted thousands of hits. The conference featured three speeches on domestic abuse by Pastor Chris Moles, and three on sexual abuse by Rachael Denhollander. The three speeches for each speaker were divided along the same three lines: 1) theological foundations, 2) dynamics and impacts, 3) biblical and compassionate response. I did not attend the conferen...
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Covenant Marriage

  “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭4‬-‭6‬ ‭KJV‬‬ The foundation of marriage starts in creation.  God created Adam and then said “It is not good that the man should be alone.”  Why wasn’t it good?  God is a triune God who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  God has perfect fellowship and love in his being between the 3 persons.  God in his love and grace has included his creation in that life of fellowship, friendship and love.  God created man to have communion with him not only, but, as one created in his image, with others too.  So God formed Eve from the rib of Adam and gave him his wife.  God made...
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  Christ and His Church: An Exhortation to Husbands By Jim Hoogendoorn The picture of Christ as the husband of His church is one of the richest & most meaningful pictures we have in the Scriptures. The applications of this truth are practically endless. The purpose of this article is to show how Jesus exemplifies the role of male leadership and headship for us, and to bring a few practical applications to those principles.  I chose to look at Ephesians 5 because it is probably the most recognized and applied text on marriage (also the passage my wife and I chose for our wedding text). The focus of this article will be the exhortation for husbands to love their wives (25-33a). Love your wife even as Christ loves His church.    Ephesians 5 22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. 24  Th...
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  Have you been looking for a way to help your child prepare for possible trauma? Or how to respond to fear in their lives? We are excited to share the recently published book “Something Scary Happened” written by Darby Strickland. “Our Kids can be impulsive and reactive and we need to give them the tools to protect them. The rate of sexual abuse is too high in our culture for the typical child, and even higher for our children lagging in skills and who have disabilities. Our children need our strategies and open conversations to help prepare them for the dangers lurking among us. The most nauseating part of this reality is that this conversation has to start at such a young age. Are we preparing our children for situations they may walk into? What comforts can we bring them when something scary, something traumatic does happen? As one of the last pages in the back of the book “Something Scary Happened,” by Darby Strickland, she states “The deepest delight of God’s heart is to...
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  In “The Heart of Domestic Abuse”, Chris Moles urges us to view domestic abuse as a problem that lies within the heart of the abuser. Chris teaches us that until the abuser acknowledges that the problem in the marriage is a heart problem, reconciliation will not be possible. Chris clearly shows in this book that many tend to blame the victim in domestic abuse. He tells us that a shepherd should never blame the sheep. If the shepherd were to blame the sheep, it would look something like this: “Come on sheep, stop looking so delicious.” “Try your best to avoid the wolves.” “Well, you know wolves will be wolves.” All of the above statements, and any variations on them, are victim blaming. They should never be uttered to a victim. The victim is the sheep in need of protection, and we must address the behavior of the wolves first, not the sheep. Chris is uniquely qualified to write about this topic, as he has worked with many domestic abusers in his life, and in doing so, has...
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  Part 1 of 3. A story from a friend of HAVEN of Mercy. I am so thankful for HAVEN of Mercy. I wish I would’ve had a resource like HAVEN years ago and am looking forward to the conference in January. Abuse has touched me in various ways. I recently found out that my mother was assaulted by her minister as a teenager. My mother told her parents, they immediately believed her. When her father, my grandfather, approached the consistory about the incident, the elders went to the pastor, who denied it. “It never happened,” he said. The consistory believed the minister. He continued as their minister and my grandparents and mother were forced into silence. Abuse isn’t anything new, unfortunately, and has been happening for generations; it frequently hasn’t been dealt with properly. This was often because of lack of knowledge and understanding of abuse. We have the opportunity to change this for our children and grandchildren now! Part 2 of 3. A story from a friend of HAVEN of Mercy...
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To Disclose or not

We are aware that we most likely have some readers and followers who have been sexually abused and are not ready to disclose yet (or at all).  You don’t want to tell your family, your elders, an advocate, or Guideposts right now.  Or perhaps you made the decision a long time ago to not disclose, and a third party investigation is not going to change your mind.  We respect your decision not to disclose at this time, and we acknowledge that no one is required to disclose simply because a third party has been hired. To disclose or not is a very personal decision. This is your story, and you can tell it when you are ready.  Not before.  And maybe not ever. Disclosing sexual abuse is often the first step of a very difficult journey. Some disclosure journeys only pour salt in the wounds. Other disclosure journeys are difficult, but end with the binding up of your wounds. Some of you are in the thick of fighting an inner battle of guilt and shame, and wonder if disclos...
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