Most of us would agree that the lessons we have learned by experience are longer-lasting, cause deeper change, and are more poignant than those of other people, as relayed to us by them. Our own trials teach us so much about our hearts and the heart of God that, while we would never want others to have to experience the pain and turmoil of the darkest times in our lives, we WOULD wish on them the lessons learned, the deeper relationship with God we have as a result of those journeys through the “valley of the shadow of death,” and the beautiful blooms of new grace evident in our lives because of the paths He has led us down.
Solomon instructs us in Proverbs 21:11 that “when the wise is instructed, he receiveth knowledge.” Living in wisdom (living in Christ, who is wisdom) means seeking out instruction, receiving that instruction, and receiving knowledge through it. As Spurgeon said, “wisdom is knowledge rightly used.”1 I am thankful that we may also learn from other’s experiences, and gain knowledge, understanding, and hopefully, some wisdom from their instruction. Joy Forrest shares with us her heart-wrenching story, as well as lessons she learned through it, in her book “Called to Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse.”
In the first half of the book, Forrest relates not only her experiences throughout her relationship and eventual marriage, but also what she was thinking throughout, and why she chose the things she did. This is so helpful. A bare recounting of facts does not impart the depth of struggle or one’s state of mind, and so she leads us through not only her daily life, but also her heart-life. She reveals with heart-wrenching candor the progressionover 23 years of her husband’s heart from control and discontent to anger, deceit, and ultimately bodily harm of her and their children, along with the emotional, mental, and spiritual turmoil it put her through.
The second half of this book addresses the heart and mind changes that Joy, through her own experience, knows that victims of abuse must address, as well as the lies they must confront. Forrest addresses the emotions of anger, grief, and fear, among others, and directs the reader to the truth of the bible to confront the pattern of lies that may be ingrained in the heart and mind of the victim. God is first and foremost the healer of His broken people, and the Bible contains both hope and the path for healing. This is relayed both in the chapters’ many Bible references, as well as a detailed index at the back of the book with many Bible passages pointing us to what God has to say about anxiety, fear of man, God’s love, and finding satisfaction in Him (among many other topics). The author closes the book with chapters that teach the reader about what God says about who He is, finding our identity in being His, and transforming our mindsets from victim to victor.
No one would wish to experience being sinned against this way. For those of you who have been, I would recommend this book as a resource to give you hope: you are not alone in your experiences; the way you were sinned against very really was an act of murder toward your very soul; God is trustworthy, and able to work beauty in your life even through the darkness. For those of you who have never experienced domestic abuse, this book may serve to open your eyes to the subtle and deceptive ways abusers work, so that you may better love, care for, serve, and help to “bind up the brokenhearted”: those in your community who have or are dealing with this sin in their households.
In order to help victims of abuse, we must speak truth into their situations, and to their hearts. In speaking truth to them, it is essential that we understand their mind, their heart, their agony, and what they say to themselves: both about themselves, and about God. Exposing the lies they believe about who they are and Who God is will help us to confront the lie with the truth, and bring vital wellsprings of life into their soul.
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