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Domestic Abuse Awareness

 October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month.

In this episode of The PeaceWorks Podcast, pastor, domestic abuse counselor and author, Chris Moles unpacks the question, “Where does abusive behavior come from?”
To do this he takes a look at Luke 6:43-45, which gives the analogy of tree.
A tree is known by its fruit; a good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree produces bad fruit. So too with mankind; a good man brings forth good and an evil man evil, and the source of these behaviors are “the treasures of his heart;” that is, the beliefs and desires stored within his heart.
The heart is the seat of our intellect and will. It’s the essence of who we truly are (Prov. 17:19). It’s the command center of our lives, out of which our choices and behaviors flow (Proverbs 4:23).
Where does abusive behavior come from then?
From the heart (Matthew 7:21).
Abuse is conceived in the heart (James 1:15).
A corupted heart. One that desires and believes it’s entitled to use power (strength, authority, leadership, position) to control (dominate, suppress, use, coerce, manipulate) others.
It’s a heart that has dethroned God and sees itself as the center of the universe.
But why does all of this matter when the first order of business with an abuser is to stop the immediate destructive behavior?
It matters because in order to help prevent relapse or new forms of abusive behaviors from surfacing, the deeply embedded beliefs and desires behind the abuse need to be addressed. Questions such as: Why did you verbally berate your wife during dinner? Why did you think it was OK to slap her when she called you out for lying? Why did you threaten her when she was about to leave the house for coffee with a friend? What were you hoping to gain when you criticized her looks/cooking/intellect/personality? What is your understanding of the purpose of marriage? What is your role as husband? What is your view of headship and submission? Why do you desire to control your wife? What made you think it was okay to call her derogatory names? How do you view God? How does God view you? What does God’s word say about all these things?
It is only after these sinful beliefs and desires have been uprooted, that new, godly ones can take their place, leading to behavior that is life-giving and God-honoring.

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