Can reckless driving be considered abusive? Consider the following real-life scenarios, shared with permission by survivors of domestic abuse. (Minor details have been changed in order to protect the identity of these survivors.)
**Scenarios shared here may be triggering to victims and survivors**
Scenario 1: Husband and wife are in a vehicle on their way to a social gathering, with husband driving. Husband starts a discussion about how wife is not "repentant enough" or "sorry enough" for a recent offense. He continually berates her and demands a different response. Husband refuses to drive them to their destination and instead takes them on a one-hour detour, all the while demanding she do/say what he wants her to do/say. Wife is completely helpless, has no idea where they are anymore, and is reduced to begging her husband to just drive directly to their destination.
Breakdown: Husband is essentially using his place in the driver's seat to control his wife, to force her into submission. The message is "Do as I say, or else." This is a form of coercive control, and this is technically considered a kidnapping or hostage crime in many states.
Scenario 2: Dad is driving the family to an event. A child in the backseat needs something, so Mom asks Dad to pull over so that she can crawl into the back and help the child. Dad refuses. Mom unbuckles her seatbelt and tries to crawl into the backseat. Dad intentionally jerks the wheel again and again, causing Mom to fall against the window. "There, now you've learned your lesson," he says. Mom starts crying and begs Dad to stop, so he slams on the brakes, causing her to hit her head on the seat. He screams "You're the idiot who unbuckled her seatbelt!" and all the children begin to cry. One of them asks "Dad, please stop driving like this!" Dad replies "It's Mom's fault I'm driving like this."
Breakdown: So much to unpack in this one, but first notice that the husband is "showing her who is boss." He's also physically abusing her by intentionally causing her to fall over while he is driving. Further, he is endangering her life and the lives of his children by driving this way. He berates and shames her in front of the children, and blames her for his reckless driving (blameshifting). Finally, intentional reckless driving with your spouse in the vehicle is considered physical abuse in many states.
We provide these real-life examples for educational purposes, to broaden your understanding of what domestic abuse can look like. We do not think ALL men are abusive, or that all reckless drivers are driving this way to coerce, manipulate, or control. But the reality is that reckless driving can be and is often used to control and dominate.
Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against [harsh with] them."
Heidelberg Catechism LD 40, Q&A 107 "But is it enough that we do not kill any man in the manner mentioned above? No; for when God forbids envy, hatred, and anger, He commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves; to show patience, peace, meekness, mercy, and all kindness towards him, and prevent his hurt as much as in us lies; and that we do good, even to our enemies."
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