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Personal Testimony

The following testimony regarding disclosure is shared with permission. Praising God with this survivor for the love and support she has received.

I disclosed my sexual abuse to my husband before we were married. At the time I didn’t label it as sexual abuse, although now I know that is the proper terminology. I’m not exactly sure what I called it. Maybe we briefly talked about it throughout our marriage, but I don’t know for sure. If it entered my mind it was something that I brought to God in a plea, “Please make me stop thinking about this. I don’t want it to even enter my mind. Please, God, help me.”
Fast forward to the past couple of years and it did become something my husband and I talked about, just a teeny tiny bit. I distinctly remember telling my husband I would take this to my grave and not tell anyone. But, God’s ways are higher than mine. He knew my future and lovingly guided me to a time when it became clear that I had to tell a couple of family members what happened to me when I was a child. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, yet God orchestrated events in my life that made it obvious it was the right decision and a needed decision.
Disclosing to family members was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I cried body-shaking tears, curled up into a ball, and through my panic attack I could barely stutter the words, “he did things to me.” When I didn’t have the words, my most wonderful and loving husband helped me. His arms were around me, pulling me close, and to me, he was the embodiment of love.
I hadn’t even given much thought to how my family members would respond. It’s not that I didn’t wonder, it’s more that my mind was so busy rehearsing what I would say and so consumed with anxiety, that I didn’t even get to thinking about their response. I was writing in a journal at the time, and I could go back to see what I wrote, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to revisit those raw emotions.
Their response could not have been more supportive, more loving, or more kind. God has certainly blessed me with amazing family members. Afterward, I was emotionally and physically drained and spent hours in bed. I felt vulnerable, fragile, a bit relieved, and a bit in disbelief that I had actually shared my story. Praise God that disclosing to supportive family members brought a measure of healing.
Looking back I can see God’s love and care throughout the time of my disclosure. He was always near to me. To my fellow victims and survivors, please know God will never leave you either. Psalm 61:2 “From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
x

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