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Warning Signs of Abuse While Dating

 ~Warning Signs of Abuse in a Dating Relationship~

This is an account of a victim from a dating relationship. Names and some info have been changed for the sake of privacy.
“When we first started dating everything was good. He was kind, he respected me, and we had a wonderful time together. Over time things gradually began to change. He started acting weird, and I would ask him, “why are you ignoring me? Did I do something?” He would always say something about me, something I had done or said, that caused his disinterest. There were a few times that I got really upset because he would flirt with other girls, but I never felt like I was able to confront him about it. But he would get really upset at me, if another guy talked to me, he would accuse me of flirting or being too friendly, which made me upset because that was not happening.
After some time, he “broke up” with me. He said to me, let’s secretly date. By this point, I was willing to do nearly anything to make him happy. I had been conditioned to do whatever he wanted so he wouldn’t be upset with me. We “secretly dated,” which basically gave him the freedom to cheat on me and not tell me. I couldn’t date anyone else because I thought we were dating. He would only come around when it was good for him and suited him. I never had a say in that, unless I got really upset and cried and then he would tell me how bad he was and sorry and how he always messed up. I would then end up comforting him and telling him he was ok. He or I would make excuses for his behavior. It was a vicious and unhealthy cycle.
We would break up off and on, but anytime there was potential for me to be around other guys he would come back and ask me out again, promising me it would be different this time. I wanted him to love me so much, I agreed every time. He didn’t respect me or my boundaries, but always pushed, pushed, pushed.
Finally, when I did break up with him for good, he told me he had suicidal thoughts and needed me to help him with that, no one else understood him like I did.
By the grace of God, I walked away. I had enough.
If you are in a dating relationship and something is off and not right, please do not ignore those red flags. Take the time to investigate what is really going on in your relationship and do not be blinded by your feelings for this person.”
Many of the examples in this story are subtle warning signs. The gaslighting, isolation, suspicion, possessiveness, lying, secrecy, cheating, control, victim blaming are not usually seen until a person looks back and sees the behaviors and patterns as a whole. When you are living each moment, it is easy to be manipulated and blinded by what’s really going on. It’s ok to keep track of behaviors in a relationship, to look for patterns and problems.
Not all patterns and problems are abuse, but they do need to be worked out and if you get married, are not going to go away. If you see these red flags or experience confusing behavior in your relationship, please ask for help.



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